A year ago I resigned from my full-time job. When I first took up the post, three and a half years prior, the last thing I would have thought that I’d do is resign to embrace the life of a stay-at-home mum.
It was the biggest risk I took in my career. It was the single biggest decision I made without any evidence that I may just survive. It was also one of the scariest decisions I’ve ever made (scarier than uprooting from Durban, my family and my friends to move to the opposite end of the country knowing only my husband, and living a lifestyle I knew nothing of).
It was a big jump. And I took the plunge.
Fast forward a year later, my days are filled with activity. Crying. Smiling. Fussing. Laughing. And back aches. Lots of it. (Lots of Panados too!)
Some days I am 100% confident, and other days I look into my child’s innocent face and wonder if I am doing the right thing. On doing my best, there’s no question about that. But on doing the right thing? This alone can tear me down.
I no longer think, with a pang of longing, about the days I had spent serving a purpose other than being a mother. That is because, through the painful challenges, I realised that as a woman I am not limited to only playing mother once I’ve become one. It’s not the only thing I am and not the only thing I do.
I am fortunate in that I am able to freelance in those very few free moments I get. It keeps me sane and I get to be in touch with my career that I so love.
I am still a wife. I am still a daughter. I am still a sister. I am still a friend. I am still a writer. I am now a mother too.
I am grateful.
The shock of becoming a parent for the first time is simply overwhelming. No book, piece of advice or lecture will ever be able to prepare you. Your struggles are very real. So is your strength. You survive, come out stronger and more resilient.
Is there a more beautiful feeling than knowing, day by day, you are very slowly conquering every battle your roles bring?
Of course, not.